Hello life. You've been good these days. Had a good day (:


Went to study at Kovan macs with Loretta from 11 till 4. Did my stats 2 and finishing that up. Hurrah! Such accomplishment no? And went shopping for calculators. Mine cannot be used due to the grand total button -.-

He called and ask if I could join him for dinner and naturally I said yes haha. So I suggested for maybe nice cheap dinner at Bedok Corner but no he wanted nice posh dinner so we headed down to the airport for some Earle Swensen's. As usual we ate a lot and went shopping! I pick him a very bright yellow Nike t-shirt (he loves yellow) since he gave me his unworn Adidas T-shirt, those kind of unique ones you can only get from sporting events and get this the shirt says: I have lasted 100km of wheel torture.
So cool ((: And camwhored (I became his model) at the airport waterfall. Played with cats at Bedok, How nice <3


Back to academics I'm feeling sooo braindead nowadays and Yunting just pmed me saying she and Osha studying out till 5 am from 10 am tomorrow and ask if I want to join. I'll die!

ofblack&white
9:29 PM

It was a seriously, long LONG day. No idiot would want tuition at 0730 except Tan Chai Jing. ARGH I had to be ready by then and when it ended, just when I was thinking of sleeping back my mom dragged me out of my bed and we went to town. At 11! Wtf please. For Robinson's Sale. Ok maybe that's quite worth it, since mom wanted to treat. With a very hurried lunch, then off I went to Tampines for another tuition.

And I cabbed to Hougang because I was running late. Went for Pei En (which quite brightened my day because of that scare and the indian thing LOL) and that ended at 1930. So I had to rush to Kovan and took a bus, where I met the supposed student I'm suppose to teach Nur Afifah Ariffin. Ah I was so drained and bleaurgh and thankfully she behaved and was being a good Ili student.


I'm just home. So rushy today. But anyway yesterday was good (: Went out with Wong Shu Li Rachel (who was SO much love please!) for lunch and a movie then my consultation with Vincent. Then to tuition.


Maybe earning money isn't that good after all, since it left me so drained and fucking tired. Tomorrow I have to be out by 9 to study. Lord it's so tiring and if ONLY we have more than 24 hours in a day, it would so help.

ofblack&white
10:40 PM

At this rate I won't be sleeping the night. And I still got to teach later in the afternoon.
AAAHHH.

But most importantly, I've got to be there for Matin. He's so heartbroken it's freaky. When you're heartbroken you tend to forget to BE sarcastic and him being nice over the phone is really REALLY scary (like saying, "I'm so sorry to be disturbing you, not being there all the time like you did for me, for being a bad friend blablabla).
Not that it didn't happen before but it's just freaky. The thing with him is that he didn't rant angrily as usual. Just sounded so mellow, so sad and in love and desperate and miserable. I nearly wanted to cry for him. For Matin to call you when he's crying in the middle of Wheelock, it's really serious. To sound fucking sad even after I-don't-wanna-know-what-he-did-at-Clark-Quay-with-his-drunk-friends, Charmaine's got to be pretty special.

I know I've said he could be such a bloody pain-in-the-everywhere. But with him sounding so vulnerable and miserable how can I not be there, seriously?

(I know if Qis were to hear about it, she'll probably say it's retribution for doing shit to other girls)


Haha if I could find a way to cheer him up and make him move on and be happy, I would. Because 1)Matin being so mellow and miserable is such a sad sight and most importantly, 2) I'm really not kidding when I said he's freaking me out by being nice. -.-


Anyway didn't mentioned that yesterday was like a TK gathering day. I was just at Parkway lunching when Nabs appeared and we happily sat at Banquet and do some shopping (she did, not me). Then exiting mrt at Kembangan Yats was in front of me! The usual squealing. Haha and Jason from 4c was there too. Haha made my day eh.



I really need to sleep now after killing correlation regression and sampling. Am done with Stats 1! Syabas!

ofblack&white
3:33 AM

I felt like SUCH a boar, waking up at 12 noon. What a waste of the morning bleargh.


Anyway we decided to meet and we ended up at Golden Landmark to take a look at the different travel agencies. Haha he's such a nice gentleman to follow me around although he's not the one going (though my mum actually gave him the green light to follow me to Tioman, imagine that!). Haha next year baby (:
Anyway Azza Travels was closed by the time we got there and he suggested to Golden Mile if we might get any better deals. Which we didn't but it's nice to explore.


So in the end we went to Heartland Mall and I booked the trip with Planet Travel. Happy happy. Typically he's hungry (but not fat thankfully) so we went to eat at Qiji. I never really ate a meal there He sent me home whilst we sing to favourite metal songs and comparing bands. He kept saying Ozzie's Ultimate Sin or something is good but I'll say Metallica as the only old-and it's not bad. school metal I listen to. Prefer the more recent ones.
Ahh he's so dependable reliable and everything else don't really know what I'd do without him.


Back to work. I managed the contingency table! Woooo.

ofblack&white
6:44 PM

Oh tired. Went dinner with May Yee and Loretta at Vivo and I don't know why suddenly I felt so tired. Haha like an elephant (or two or three or... ) sat on me.

Just two words to sum it up: Fucking tired.

ofblack&white
11:54 PM

Yesterday was Hazel Tan's birthday. Happy birthday ((:


Ah money started to come in but I'm especially stringent with it. Spending only 20$ a week, aren't I great!


Yesterday I went out studying at White Sands and I'm happy I got to clear Macroeconomics. Multiplier, IS-LM-BP, flexible prices and wages, IS slope and I think that's about Macro. Just need to tackle micro and be good with it. I can do it!



Anyway nothing much to update about feeling zzz much. Hard to sleep, hard to wake up, bad lifestyle.

ofblack&white
10:55 AM

Ahhh the random day. All I did today was Stats and I'm going NOWHERE HOW A SUBJECT COULD DRIVE ME CRAZY IS BEYOND ME.

Anyway I finally got to meet two loveofmylifes Tisya and Nur at my grandma's. After teaching Pei En that is. I feel guilty that I have to take money from her and she's even willing to send me off to Bintan (some free whatsits from her UOB credit card) if it's enough to pay tuition fees (she wants extra). Or (the horror) cook for me. Haha ok baby I'll try my best to give you some free here and there so that you can be that star student in your module! Sorry I was quite evil to you just now (I know you'll be thinking, isn't Ili ALWAYS evil). And she fed me some pumpkin pudding or something.
How nice can a human being be?



Anyway I didn't meet Mayyee tonight cause her best friend loveofherlife Loretta Lai Yi Min is down with sore throat. Why don't you give her some TLC eh sweetheart?

Hahahahaha.


Ah I got to go sleep.

ofblack&white
11:20 PM

HURRAH for me because my gears have started (academically). So, taking a break from Bayes theorem, univariate&bivariate distributions, 1st order differentials and the 2nd order. God I felt so good when I started. Okay two main subjects to clear is Economics and Statistics because they're the first!

Timetable:
8th May: Intro to Econs 1000 to 1300hrs
9th May: Stats 1 (1000 to 1200hrs), Stats 2 (1430 to 1630hrs)
13th May: Math 1 (1000 to 1200hrs), Math 1 (1430 to 1630 hrs)
23rd May: PRINCIPLES OF BANKING AND FINANCE (1000 to 1300hrs)

I am confident I can pass, but I want quality grades. Got to work hard now!

(To whom it may concern, PLEASE start studying now because I'm worried for you too)


Academics aside I couldn't sleep so I talked to Rohenie-with-the-chicken-pox. It was so fun to tease and irritate her. So much so that she wanted to come to my place to slap me. Or more like she coughed through the receiver hoping I'd get it. The things people do.


Teo asked if I'm free to go out and yes I'm free but I chose to sit at home and mug (omg I'm so proud of myself can). He sounded quite... I don't know, not himself. As of last week as well. Maybe it's relationship problem (though I doubt his girlfriend is nice enough) or maybe school. Ah I hope he's fine.


See, we find friends in the most unexpected places.



Ah I'm off to dinner, some tv then try to understand the notes. Sigh I finally feel that need to study but why when there's only two weeks left? -.-

ofblack&white
7:56 PM

God what a day. Nasi Briyani all day could make you turn green, or for this case, brown. In the morning there's Maulidul Rasul (I think) and of course special occasions like this would be celebrated with Nasi Briyani. -.-

And my cousin's (I can't really remember who she is, it's from my dad's paternal side which I'm not close to) wedding at Yishun with Nasi Briyani. Lord the horror. There's a live bad playing there. They held their wedding at the CC. Live band meaning flautist, the funny bongos or whatever, violins and that weird organ thing. Good music? All Malay oldies, which I could never really appreciate.

Here I am taking a break from drawing competitive industry models, deriving multipliers, Hicks And Slutsky Income Effect and all that I learn in economics. I really suck at macro sigh. Except for IS-LM-BP. Got to buck up.


Anyway was reading some article entitled "How To Know If A Girl Likes You" and you could tell which is written by a guy. You'll see why.

a) Some girls act aggressive around the boy they like. If she wants to hit you, let her. DO NOT hit her back. (found this fucking hilarious)
b) If she really, really likes you, she'll tell you herself, or not (really helpful no?)


And this obviously by girls.

a) If she turns you down, don't push it. She knows what she wants and it obviously isn't you. (well said!)
b) Don't stalk the girl that you love, because you could be thrown in jail just for stalking a girl, why? because the girl could view you as a rapist. (well said as well!)


Haha was just feeling bored at the moment. Anyway on I called Adela at 2 pm and I was greeted by the most damsel-in-distress voice you could have ever heard. I thought I got the wrong number. Or she was dying of leukemia or AIDS or what. Seems I have woken her up my GOD such a pig. Or I replied to her 2 am text message at 9 am. She called me at 7pm saying she's eating breakfast and I shouldn't reply too bloody cheerful at 9 freaking am in the morning.
?! God bless her if she gets into university.


My parents said yes to Tioman that means 4 days of sun bliss on the first week of June. Hurrah (:

Rohenie just told me she got chicken pox. LOL to that please!


20th today, it's Nur Elaina bte Suhairi birthday. Love my young cousins to bits. I said I'll treat her when I got the time AND THIS IS WHAT SHE RETORT.
"Alaa. Blanje je? Banyak banyak duit buat tuition takkan tak bleh beli Nur barang?"
To translate it means treat only?? All the money you get from tuition can't get me something more than that?
-.- They're getting more demanding now.

Man, you really make me happy.

Got to continue on work (:

ofblack&white
9:36 PM

I just got home from the airport sending abg Idrus. Gone for six years. Six long years. Six freaking long years. God I'm going to miss his never-ending diatribe about nature, interesting holy people, his love and passion for Islamic history and all that. )): Six years is so long. We were all at the airport and Shaz and me were pestering people to write notes for him and place it in a shoebox. Even his dad Ustaz Ahmad wrote a wonderful poem in English. Was all so touching. And Ustaz Hasbi read prayers for him and everyone joined in, sniffing back tears and sorrow.

I'd rather not cry, because it'll probably make it harder for him to leave, selfish to cry as Shaz say. Everyone was like a tap left open, especially the guys like Ariff and Fir. I can't even begin about Muhammad, the poor boy. Anyway there was more than 60 people around (since we finished up ALL 60 cards and that's only from the younger generation haven't count the neneks and makciks) and it was really touching how abg Idrus reached out to everyone until they were so sad and all when he was leaving.


Sigh.


That was of course, at 2350 and there's the mad rush to get the bus home. Me and my bro were confident 24 had stopped their rounds and so we took 27, with the kecoh girls and makciks. And we stopped halfway to change bus. Naturally there wasn't any bus around so we hopped on a cab.
I really hate their surcharge.

Tok Uteh Ahmad was admitted to the hospital for some operation or what and now he's super sick or something along the lines. )): My dad's still at the hospital. I hope he's ok, he's such a nice granduncle and I'm fairly close to him. Love his smile, and I always remember how I used to race up to his doorstep hoping it was him who opens the door when I deliver fruits to him (from my maternal grandparents). He always produce dollar coins, 2 of them and pressed them into my palm with a very nice smile.

Sigh. It's quite sad to think of it.


Anyway enough of sorrows today is Doctor Liu Zhongwei's birthday hahaha happy birthday baby!


Got to sleep. Math fried my brains. Restraining tears fried my brains even more.

Wan an love.

ofblack&white
12:42 AM

HELLO I am feeling extraordinarily perky today, these days, all days! Gone are the sad soppy emo shit. Aren't I glad of brownies ;p


Sunday I went over to Vincent's to teach him Economics and typically I ranted at him about how his school Deyi won and all. It was funny! I went to DF for some kenduri for abang Idrus. He's going Yaman for 6 long years. SIX OHMYGOD it's so long I'm going to miss him and his inspirational talks and oh all that he's done. MANNN. He gave a few of us Parker pens ((: Sigh I'm really going to miss him. And NADZIRAH drove me home she has a heart after all ;p


Monday was all about lazing at home, teaching Chaijing and Iman, cycle to my grandma's at top speed and going home in a cab lol.

Tuesday was the highlight of the week! Went to school and absorbed Statistics 2 like a sponge I feel I'm not so hopeless after all HURRAH. After class went lunch with Kat and Weichun talk talk talk and whilst on the way to the train Prudential came and then we yakyakyak (I'm quite interested in the plan bytheway). Went Hougang Mall to pee. Good Lord I was THIS close to weeing in my panties but when I went up the escalator ISHWINDER appeared in front of me what a really pleasant surprise. We hugged like idiots-at-the-airport and she lost weight (due to teaching brats in Pei Cai) and she's just so much love~

After relieving my bladder guess what it decided to rain cats dogs puppies elephants and even with the umbrella I'm half wet. Met Pei En at her void deck to teach and she's so fun to tease looking so shy and blush blush blush -.-


Then I went to Kovan to teach Fifa and she made me so happy yesterday.

Fif: You know Mima has quite a number of tutees? Mostly from the soccer girls you know.
Ili: Oh? It's ok so long she happy.
Fif: But aren't you scared of competition? She advertise around saying she'll produce quality grades!
Ili: It doesn't matter anyway, I have more than enough students in my hands to handle. You want to switch over to her is it?
Fif: No la! I want to show that no matter what I'm an Ili-student and being an Ili-student I can obtain As too!

That's the gist of the convo and awww that really touched me, the bit about being an Ili-student. And surprise of all surprises he appeared in front of me again out of nowhere with A POSH BROWNIE BAG (which spells 5 marvelous brownies with assorted toppings oh how I could love him to death) it's such a subtle yet touching thing. HUGS for that!

I saw Robyn in Macs and when I exited Macs Adel called me and said HEY ME ROBYN WILFRED GREG ARE AT COLD STORAGE I WANNA SEE RQB NOW! and so we went. And then off to late dinner (or more like supper) at Mak's and in the cab all his 'favourite' songs (the ones he deemed gay) was on the radio so I sang and asked the driver to sing as well lol.

Today was all about Popeye's at T3, Nadz planning to join me for holiday and her painful menstrual cramps. Ha. Got to eat chicken rice at Upper Changi (or is it Geylang already?) for my early dinner with Weichun then OFF to teach. I'm happy that lately students are behaving nicely as they should be.

Zhong asked me out for dinner on Friday night (which is on the 18th) and her birthday is on the 19th so I was thinking it'll be such a sad thing to spend it with a loser (a.k.a me) the night before her birthday so I said no. But next time (: Can buy her something simple or treat her. She gets happy too easily I reckon.

ofblack&white
10:04 PM

Hello! Haven't been updating but ANYWAY today was the display band competition and guess what?

Deyi broke TK's decade-of-excellence with a hat trick. Both the Best Drum Major and Best Display Band award. Man! The feeling of being second best truly sucks. Like what one of the graduated TKsian said, They HAVE to win because we were never taught how to react if we lose, which is the first in a long time. But oh well, TK band's got to lose one day. The feeling was quite sour but it's ok TK Tk Okk!



As usual it was quite havoc in the stadium, usual scream scream sing school song and such especially with Ams (you should here her SCREAM). The few I know was Vanessa Keng, Fana, Qj, Lishan, Mel, Sui Lan and Siti Nur Aisyah (!!!). Mazni also. There's this senior of three years I think, netballer, her name's Catherina and she is SO ohmygod hot. Haha! I was very amazed Aisyah was there also. Heard she retook her A levels. Hope it was good (:


AHHHH now I have to wait for two more years to watch TK band win.
What's sweet was that Bowen only got GOLD. HA to them.

ofblack&white
8:47 PM

ofblack&white
5:52 PM

Hello! Last week the rain was torrential. My favourite man aka superhero of the day (THE GRANDPA) to save me from the bus stop. He braved the stormy weather just to pass his granddaughter an umbrella. Aw how I love him ((:

I caught God-knows-WHAT bug last Thursday and on Friday morning I was hacking away like a horse. I couldn't sleep my nights because
1) The cough was quite annoying and so is the fan (or maybe it's just me, I couldn't make up my mind to feel warm or cold)
2) My aunt threw away my bolster.
Now, I never knew how attached I am to bolsters. Until Friday night, it felt weird to not have anything well... between my legs (what I MEAN is a pillow or something) so I woke up during intervals to throw a pillow down, switch pillows and such. It happened again on Saturday night hence I got a pillow (at 16$, what a steal!) and I can't wait to sleep now!

Saturday was a long day with Lynn in the morning, Atikah in the noon and Rachel Ong in the afternoon. I was having period cramps and fever and cough so I was rather grumpy. Anyway LYNNTAN was so nice to help me ask the MacD's staff whether they could top up my bottle because I was sick (you won the best student award!). By the time I got to Rachel Ong's house she was on the receiving end of barb and most random comments. Lol but she was fun.


Sunday was all about my joint cousin's birthday party. Oh the usual hellsbells chaotic things, getting adults to play kids games like passing the parcel, musical chairs (I was one of the last two and Khairi just plonk his ass and pushed me down. Who says the big butt wins it all??), the piniata (one aunt was actually wacking the wall and the whole time she thought she was hitting the piniata, how funny!) and the blanket game. Doodles of food needless to say, look at the AMOUNT they eat would bring shame to sumo wrestlers.

I carried my blue 1.2l (or 1.5l) bottle everywhere I go so if I were to have a coughing attack, I would drown them away. I drank about 7 of those yesterday. Worse than a camel. Like I'm preparing to trek across the Sahara, you know. My dad sent me over to Naz's and Syahril was there played a few rounds of scroggle and such. It's so hard to sleep because the cough got annoying in the middle of the night I swear Naz didn't have a good sleep either with my noise.

Anyway today had MacBreakfast with her at Tampines before I hauled myself to Kovan Melody. Was suppose to be there at 10, but I reached at 12 (Kat's punctuality is REALLY contagious beware!). He was suppose to meet me at Macs about that time to study but when I was about to exit Heartland mall I saw him and I went HEY! We haven't start playing why don't you join us. Anyway I saw Kat's surprised look when they got their introductions over.

Boy I suck at shooting hoops. And felt so tired now. I am ignoring about her and that comment about 'keeper' or what not. If chemistry doesn't really fly, then I'm not bothered, k?

There's SCHOOL tomorrow. I have so many things to buy for this week. Contacts, solutions, some stationery and oh other redundant I-don't-need-the-stuff-but-maybe-I'll-buy-it-anyway.


I've been watching Ellen Degeneres' standup comedy and she's fucking hilarious. And best of all she wasn't crude like most standups that I've seen. She dived into today's problems like procrastination and depending too much on technology and getting too busy and such.
She's my idol, that's for sure!

ofblack&white
6:08 PM

Now you know I'm not the sort to actually partake in April's Fool and all the shenanigans. So of course I was caught unaware when the most annoying being Lim May Yee shocked the hell out of me. I'm sure she scared quite a lot of her other friends too.


"Hey, I just want to be frank with you. The truth is, I never liked this friendship. I think it's the worst mistake one could have done. I regret knowing you and I just want to say this (and there's that long blank)
Happy April fools day!"

Damn I think I'm getting mellow and I thought pranks were my forte but apparently not. If I have a knife with me I'd throw at her shuriken-style.


So being the good friend that I am I decided to share the warmth of that shock with other friends. Here's the most interesting reply of the day:

Huda: DAMN. You made me cry in front of my students. I thought it was real. Didn't scroll down to see the april's fool part. Only when I read it again then I realised it's april's fool. SHIT.

And the most colourful, and brief and so typically Nur Qistina Syamilah

Qis: FUCK YOU LA I GOT A SHOCK PLS.


Statistics is killing me, no shit about that. Sigh.

Today I managed to spend less than 5 dollars. Syabas (congratulations in Malay)! I anticipated a loooonng weekend. Especially with students who go "EH haven't had tuition for so long so guilty better have it this Sat ah!"


I've kind of lost interest in life these past days because
a)I feel like I haven't any raison d'etre
b)My school being so non-compulsory and short that it doesn't feel like school, the feeling to skip is overwhelming, I wake up obscenely late (especially on non-school days Monday and Thursday) I feel so decadent and just sinful for not making use of Time properly
c)I don't feel like there's a sense of order in my life (no routines that BS)
Thus I come to conclude that everything seemed kind of pointless, there's nothing much to look forward to, nothing much that I can remember to look back at (my memory is dimming, I'd be surprised I remember my own name next year) and I daren't look into 'taboo' memories of a certain girl (even if that made me smile, it'll only make it harder to let go and so I don't even cross the memory-line).

So yea. Life's pretty pointless right now.

ofblack&white
10:29 PM